For most of us, we are content to let the wheels spin. For some of us, that is not enough and we proactively pursue our dreams. At one time I was one of the latter but by the age of 24 I had checked off everything on the list that I had wanted to do. There were no crazy dreams to go after any more. The wheels were just spinning. Eventually though, they stopped and with them, so did I. I became isolated, paranoid, and apathetic towards everything. Then early one morning, I died a violent a gruesome death in the arms of my mother.
After that, things got really bad.
I would say it's no exaggeration to say I had a full scale mental break down. Slowly, with the help of a very caring therapist, I began to claw my way back to the light. I have had major set backs. Some so difficult to handle that I would rather suffer death again a hundred times over rather have had to make the choices I've had to make. I often feel bad about myself that I haven't utilized this event to grow, but rather wither, turn inward, and rather aggressively pull myself to pieces. It has to end. And so here is where it will begin.
I have set myself the challenge to read all the books I have bought over the last 2 years and from that, hopefully free myself from the boulder I am pulling along behind me via fish hooks in my flesh. 94 books are on that list, some substantial in size, all substantial in content. I have tried this all before, and it always ends almost before it starts. (Like your gym membership you bought just after New Years) Here I intend to chart (sometimes literally) my progress in the syllabus which will be posted below. Some of these books count among the most spiritually subtle bordering on obtuse books ever written, some of them are just really long. I will keep tally of what I have read each day and if I am so inclined, comment on it. For as much money as I've invested in these books, it's time that investment pays off and to that, one must invest time.
The List:
1) The complete works of the Pseudo Dionysius
2) Jewish Mystical Autobiographies
3) Angelic Spirituality
4) Apocalyptic spirituality
5) The Way to Christ- Jacob Boehme
6) Early Islamic Mysticism
7) Sepher Rezial Hemelach
8) Plot & Structure - Bell
9) Self Editing for Fiction writers - Browne and King
10) The Elements of Style - White and Strunk
11) Given Time- Derrida
12) The Gift of Death -Derrida (granted it's a re-read, but worth it)
13) German Philosophers - various OUP
14) The Complete John Milton
15) Heaven and Hell - Swendenborg
16) The Essential Swendenborg - Synnestuedt
17) The Mysticism of Sound and Music - Khan
18) The Mahabhrata
19) The Ramayana
20) The Essential Writing of Gandhi
21) My Experiments with Truth - Gandhi
22) The Cherubinic Wanderer - Angelus Silesius
23) The Places that Scare You - Pema Chodron
24) The Faerie Queen - Edmund Spenser
25) The Vita - St Teresa of Avila
26) The Dark Red Amulet - Khenchen Palden Sherab Rinpoche
27) Scivias - Hildegard von Bingen
28) The Complete Works - William Blake
29) Narrative Unbound - Donald Ault
30) Jerusalem Explained -n David Whitmarsh Knight
31) The Cambridge Companion to Blake
32) Fearful Symmetry - Northrup Frye
33) The Pilgrim's Progress
34) The Lotus Sutra - Trans. Gene Reeves
35) The Art of Memory - Frances Yates
36) Sometimes a Great Notion - Ken Kesey
37) Proust and the Squid - Maryanne Wolf
38) The Golden Ratio - Mario Livio
39) The Koran
40) Everything that Rises Must Converge - Flan O'Conner
41) The Gnostic Jung - Stephan A. Hoeller
42) Memories, Reflections and Dreams - Carl Jung
43) The Middle Length Discourses of the Buddha
44) The Long Discourses
45) The Diamond Sutra
46) Seventy Stanzas - Nagarjuna
47) The Fundamental Wisdom of the Middle Way -Nagarjuna
48) The Precious Garland - Nagarjuna
49) Ocean of Reasoning - Tsong-Kha-pa
50) Introduction to the Middle Way - Chandrakirti
51) The Way of the Bodhistattva - Shantideva
52) The Nectar of Manjushri's Speech - Kunzang Pelden
53) The Six Yogas - Naropa
54) The Life and Teaching of Naropa - Guenther
55) The Life of Marpa - Trungpa
56) The Hundred Thousand Songs - Milarepa
57) The Life of Milarepa - Lobsang
58) The jewel ornament of Liberation - Gampopa
59) Path to Buddhahood - Ringu
60-66) The Lam Rim Chenmo - Tsong-kha-pa
67) Tantra in Tibet - Tsong-kha-pa
68) Deity Yoga - Tsong-kha-pa
69) Final Exposition of Wisdom -Tsong-kha-pa
70) The Tibetan Book of the Dead
71) Meditations to Transform the Mind - the 7th dalai Lama
72) The Words of my Perfect Teacher - Patrul Rinpoche
73) A Guide to The Words of my Perfect Teacher - Pelzang
74) Crazy Wisdom - Trungpa
75) Liberation in the Palm of your Hand - Pabongka Rinpoche
76) Meditation on Emptiness - Jeffery Hopkins
78) The Two Truths - Guy Newland
79) The Generation Stage in Buddhist Tantra - Gyantul Rinpoche
80) Whit Lotus - Padmasambhava
81) Advice from a Spiritual Friend - Rabten
82) Letter to a Friend - Nagarjuna
83) Mind Training - various ed. Thupten Jinpa
84) The Practice of Kalachakra - Mullin
85) Introduction to Emptiness - Guy Newland
86) Four Hundred Stanzas on the Middle Way - Aryadeva
87) A Buddhist History of the West - David Loy
88) The Interior Castle - Teresa of Avila
89) Foundations of Tibtan Mysticism - Lama Govinda
90) The Baghavad Gita - Commentary by Yogananda
91) Visons and Nightmares - Gilbert Muller
92)Meditation and Kabbalah - Kaplan
93) Promethius Unbound - Shelly
94) The Sword and the Flute - David Kinsey
So there you have it, 94 massive ponderous tomes and 365 days to read them all. Here's to hoping.
